Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 221
Tucker Carlson Rates Other Famous Mascots Based On Hotness
by CARRIE PINKARD
The Starbucks Mermaid: My favorite kind of woman: silent and impossible to get pregnant because her lower half is a fish.
by KIT LIVELY and PAUL LANDER
Stealing Hearts and Voting Rights, Denying Climate Change to Get Them Hot, and more in this issue of Cosmopolitician Magazine!
Whoever Keeps Spreading Rumors Around About Me Being Really Charming Needs To Stop It Right Now
by ROBERT CRISS
I’ve been informed that many of you have been talking behind my back. I don’t know who but everything you’ve said, I’ve heard it. Spreading rumors about my “endless charm” and “razor-sharp wit.” I’ve had enough. You better knock it off right now.
Enjoy Your Weekly Humorist Article, Hartford
by JONATHAN ZELLER
Hartford’s area codes are 860 and 959: Whenever someone talks about “life in the 860 or 959,” if that’s something they do, maybe that’s what they’re talking about. I’m not sure what slang terms Hartford folk use to discuss their city.
Updates on Your Dad’s New Year’s Resolutions
by SHANNON CARPENTER, ANDREW KNOTT, and JARED BILSKI
I'm already so much better looking than all of my friends, do I really want to be in better shape, too? I tried flossing every day, but you said I was embarrassing you in front of your friends. And more!
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Saved by the Gel, Mr. Belvasmear, Brooklyn Slime-Slime, and more #SlimySitcoms on this week's trending joke game!
Dan Misdea, Vaughan Tomlinson, Bob Eckstein