Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 394

CONTENTS
Issue 394

Future Bombshell Trump Revelations From Elon Musk         
by Kit Lively and Paul Lander
Trump smells so bad people call Air Force One… Air Fart One. Trump was going to offer a retirement stock account called a 401KKK. Trump isn’t the Antichrist, but he he does owe him money. And more!  

iPad Baby: You Don’t Get It, I Have to Give My Baby Constant Access to Content Designed to Be as Addictive as Possible Because Otherwise He Might Do Things. 
by Megan Neary
When I take away my baby’s iPad,  all he does is try to get my phone from me. And I’m obviously not going to limit my own screen time. I’m not a baby, am I?  

An Open Letter To The Person Who Asked Me What I’m Doing For The Summer As If I Didn’t Have To Work   
by Elizabeth Simone
Summers are for children, college students, and adults who had the foresight to become teachers. It’s also for wealthy freewheeling adults, the kind who make enough money that they scamper off to Lisbon, Patagonia, and Burning Man every June, July, and August, but who somehow also work jobs that don’t mind they are gone most of the summer. 

I Can’t Believe Insulting, Threatening, and Refusing to Work With Government Employees Didn’t Improve The Government  
by Meg Reid
How dare people criticize a man who really did all he could to offend and alienate every single government worker, using an innovative mix of incompetence and cruelty.  

I’ve Always Had a Very Good Relationship with Dracula, But Something Has Happened to Him  
by Caroline Horwitz   
He wasn’t always like this. We go back a long time—fast friends since he was just good old Vlad the Impaler. (A metaphorical nickname, I’m sure, and a pretty cool one. Not that I’m jealous, but why can’t my subjects address me with such a badass title?)

#SewerACereal
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Pooberry, Yucky Charms, Crapple Jacks, and more #SewerACereal on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Peter Kuper, Bill DeMain, Katherine Bettis, Michael Shaw.