Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 239
Even Though the Office Is Still Completely Engulfed in Flames, I’m Gonna Need You All to Come Back in Full Time
by GRAEME CAREY
That said, going forward I expect everyone to come in at least 40 hours a week, which, coincidentally, is the exact amount of time that the human body can withstand such temperatures before their internal organs begin to melt. Failure to show up for the full 40 hours will be taken as your resignation.
Sedona’s Bell Rock Energy Vortex Yelp Review: One Starn
by NOEL LEON
The only way to feel the electricity in this sacred electromagnetic hotspot is to bathe in the red dirt. But I couldn't feel anything with elderly tourists watching. They kept yelling "please stop" and "is she ok?" as I stripped to my birthday suit.
NOW CASTING: Romantic Lead For New Wave Reality Dating Show Filmed Primarily In A Sensory Deprivation Chamber
by MADELINE GOETZ
Get ready to Stockholm Syndrome your way into a dubiously legally-binding marriage with the least financially stable, most emotionally volatile, sentient pair of swim trousers you’ve ever met on our new dating show, Sex Fest Island.
Horror or Hallmark?
by CAROLINE BEULEY
Horror OR Hallmark: Character gets trapped somewhere they don’t want to be due to weather - a freak snow storm, for example A: Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, he’s going to get you now…and make you his bride! ( That was an easy one. No? Still confused? Jeez, ok try a few more...)
Spelling Bee Or STD
by PAUL LANDER
This year’s Scripps National Spelling Bee ended in a lightning round spell off. The words were tough, but not as tough as a positive STD test at a clinic. Would you know the difference? Here’s a quiz to find out!
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Flyneken, Stella Artwasp, Caterpilsner, and more #BugABeer on this week's trending joke game!
Peter Kuper, Drew Panckeri, David Ostow