Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 240
Monopoly for Millennials: The Updated Rulebook
by EMILY KLING
Tokens include: Oat Milk, iPhone with Cracked Screen, Weed Gummy Bear, Podcast Microphone, Ill-Fitting Bridesmaid Dress (must replace after each use), Zoloft Tablet, Laughing Crying Face Emoji, Thimble - Each player starts with $1,500, but some players must give the Banker $100 every 10 minutes, in an effort to pay off their student debt.
My Favorite Genre Is True Crime, Which I Consume With the Utmost Reverence
by DAVE POWERS
I try to humanize the victims of these senseless yet nonetheless very fascinating crimes. I’ll ask myself questions like, did they have any hopes and dreams of their own? Say, to become a teacher, or a veterinarian, or perhaps someone that did not get murdered?
by KIT LIVELY and PAUL LANDER
Study Confirms: We're All Gonna Die! HEALTH: That Thing On Your Neck? Yikes, Better Have Someone Take A Look! CRYPTO: Please Don't Use It To Buy Our Magazine, and more bad news in Newsbleak Magazine!
Hello My So-Called Plant Sitter, Care To Explain These 45 Dead Ferns?
by MADELINE GOETZ and JACK SENTELL
When I left you a voicemail asking if you could watch my ferns, and you never got back to me, I assumed your silence meant you had no questions about the intensive two-week care regimen I’d detailed. Well, apparently you had lots of questions.
Urgent: It’s Me, Reality. I’m Trying to Get in Touch With You!
by K.E. FLANN
I tried to intervene, shaking the facilitator by the shirt lapels, waving smelling salts, and presenting a viral tweet about cheese. I said, “Come back to me!” But an argument broke out about whether it was the same year here as it was in Europe.
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
The Mucus Man, Anything Flows, Damp Yankees, and more #WetMusicals on this week's trending joke game!
Dan Misdea, Shelby Parker, Vaughan Tomlinson.