Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 248

CONTENTS
Issue 248

Inventory List Of The FBI’s Raid Of Trump
by KIT LIVELY
Secret identity of Q (it's Tony Danza!!) McDonalds' Grimace life size sex doll, Trump steaks made of real Trump! (mostly his mother) And more!

If Only My Immigrant Great Grandfather Could See Me Now, He’d Say “Where Am I?”
by ROBERT CRISS
"One minute I’m resting peacefully and now I’m dropped here without explanation. And I really don’t know why you keep giving me children. It’s not a good idea to hand your children to someone you just met.

How to Store Fruits and Vegetables
by ANNE JACONETTE
Tomatoes: It’s best to store your tomatoes at room temp. Putting your tomatoes in the fridge will transform them into water balloons of cold, wet, vegetal sand. At this point you can blend them into gazpacho, a cold, wet, vegetal broth that you’ll piss out in 21-22 minutes.

A Millennial Metamorphosis
by MICHELLE COHN
Not sure why but I’ve transformed into a giant insect (see pictures attached). I tried sleeping it off but that didn’t seem to work. Rest assured though I am working hard to figure this out so that it doesn’t affect my job performance.

Cover Letter For a Job I Do Not Want But Need
by SOPHIA STIO
To be completely honest with you, the idea of making money is very exciting to me. Allow me to put things into perspective for you. Last night I had a glass of water and an episode of The Sopranos for dinner.

#ColdActionMovies
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Jurassic Parka, Point Brrrrreak, Frost In Space, and more #ColdActionMovies on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Tyson Cole, Lynn Hsu, Bob Eckstein