Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 275

CONTENTS
Issue 275

What Other Ex-Presidents & VPs Did With Classified Documents
by WILLIAM VAILLANCOURT
Aaron Burr: Scribbled furiously over every “Hamilton”, Jimmy Carter: Recycled, Dick Cheney: Turned into wallpaper for secret underground mountainside soundproof bunker. And more!

Wendy’s Daily Planner
by KIT LIVELY
6:15 AM- Spend 45 minutes getting these fucking pigtails just fucking right. 5:30 PM- Yet more bullying texts from the ghost of my Dad pretending to be Grimace. And more!

The Forgotten Tragedy of the Night President Lincoln Died by the Ghost of Actor Harry Hawk
by RICH TAYLOR
I write today to remind you all of the other, forgotten, tragedy that occurred at Ford’s Theater that night – the assassination of my destiny as the greatest stage actor of all time!

Exciting New Nail Polish Colors for Spending Your Valentine’s Day Home Alone!
by VIKTORIA SHULEVICH
Bold Red Alone in Bed with Snacks and “Jane Eyre” on Netflix, the Michael Fassbender One, Berry Naughty Thoughts About Michael Fassbender, Sexy Fishnet Stalkings of Michael Fassbender’s Full Frontal Pics Online, and more!

Valentine’s Day Messages, as Dictated by My Kindergartner, Prior to My Suggested Edits
by AMY GREENLEE
"Cameron. I hope you don't get sent to the cool down zone on Valentine's Day, because then you will miss the Valentine's Party." "Henry. You are so funny with your tiny little smile." And more!

#SexyRockBands
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Kink 182, Buns n Roses, Nippleback, and more #SexyRockBands on this week’s trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Steve Daugherty, Drew Panckeri, Paul Lander & Dan McConnell.