Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 318
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I’m Just a Bull Trying to Catch My Train, and I Can’t Believe How Fucking Terrible Our Transportation System Is
by BOBBIE ARMSTRONG
The day started off on the wrong hoof.
Santa’s 9-1-1 Call Transcripts
by EMILY KAPP and DANIEL STILLMAN
Santa: The weapon used in the attempted murder were NON gluten-free cookies. AKA, a cookie that contained gluten. It’s basically poison. 911: A cookie is not considered a weapon. Sir, how is your mental state?
Unanswered Hollywood Christmas Movie Want Ads
by JOSH LORENZO
WANTED: Police detective still looking for Nike shoe salesman willing to make emergency delivery of size eleven sneakers to Nakatomi Plaza on Christmas Eve.
Lesser Known Holiday Specials
by DAN FIORELLA
Murder on the Polar Express: The kids are forced to solve the murder of Mr. Conductor with the help of Hercule Poirot, who just happens to be on the train.
I’m Professional Tracker Hudson Rattlesnake and I Will Find Where You Parked Your Car
by WALTER BRALEY
I’m tired of hearing tragic tales of families freezing to death because they could have sworn they parked outside the Kohl’s entrance.
Lies Your Wife Has Told You
by KIT LIVELY
Back hair isn't gross, it's just part of your body, and she loves all of you. Refurbishing old bird houses is a cool hobby.
#HolidayAHouseware
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Frosty the Beer Mug, The First Towel, Spatu-fa la la, la la la, la la la, and more #HolidayAHouseware on this week's trending joke game!
Cartoons by
Vaughan Tomlinson, Amanda Chung and Vincent Coca, Drew Panckeri.
by BOBBIE ARMSTRONG
The day started off on the wrong hoof.
Santa’s 9-1-1 Call Transcripts
by EMILY KAPP and DANIEL STILLMAN
Santa: The weapon used in the attempted murder were NON gluten-free cookies. AKA, a cookie that contained gluten. It’s basically poison. 911: A cookie is not considered a weapon. Sir, how is your mental state?
Unanswered Hollywood Christmas Movie Want Ads
by JOSH LORENZO
WANTED: Police detective still looking for Nike shoe salesman willing to make emergency delivery of size eleven sneakers to Nakatomi Plaza on Christmas Eve.
Lesser Known Holiday Specials
by DAN FIORELLA
Murder on the Polar Express: The kids are forced to solve the murder of Mr. Conductor with the help of Hercule Poirot, who just happens to be on the train.
I’m Professional Tracker Hudson Rattlesnake and I Will Find Where You Parked Your Car
by WALTER BRALEY
I’m tired of hearing tragic tales of families freezing to death because they could have sworn they parked outside the Kohl’s entrance.
Lies Your Wife Has Told You
by KIT LIVELY
Back hair isn't gross, it's just part of your body, and she loves all of you. Refurbishing old bird houses is a cool hobby.
#HolidayAHouseware
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Frosty the Beer Mug, The First Towel, Spatu-fa la la, la la la, la la la, and more #HolidayAHouseware on this week's trending joke game!
Cartoons by
Vaughan Tomlinson, Amanda Chung and Vincent Coca, Drew Panckeri.