Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 323
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CONTENTS
Issue 323
Beauty Tips for Attracting a Republican Man
by CAROLINE HORWITZ
Go blonde. No, blonder. This one should be obvious, but we’re gonna go full Patrick Bateman on you here because we cannot stress “blonde” enough. Even if you’re one of God’s chosen few who possess natural blonde locks, you could still probably use the assistance of dye. There’s no such thing as too yellow or too platinum.
Girl Scout Cookie or 1960s Businessman’s Nickname for His Secretary?
by KELLEY GREENE
Savannah Smiles, Little Brownie, Thin Mint, and more!
How Ron DeSantis Will Spend All His New Free Time, Now That He’s No Longer Running for President
by ANDY SCHOCKET
Collecting all the Hummel figurines that openly carry a gun. Chainsaw sculpting, carving life-size statues of Samuel Alito. And more!
If Men Talked About Their More Successful Wives the Way Women Talk About Their Incredibly Average Husbands
by BOBBIE ARMSTRONG
We matched on Hinge. He didn’t message me for two weeks, so obviously I was super intrigued. We started talking, and I found out he’s an accountant who failed high school algebra three times.
Genies Reveal, Most Unsettling Wishes Ever Granted
by KIT LIVELY
Barf bag that magically transforms vomit into fresh microwave popcorn. And more!
#TitillateATVShow
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
69 Minutes, 30 Rock Hard, Everybody does Raymond, and more #TitillateATVShow on this week's trending joke game!
Cartoons by
Joe Goldstein, Bill Thomas, Lynn Hsu.
Issue 323
Beauty Tips for Attracting a Republican Man
by CAROLINE HORWITZ
Go blonde. No, blonder. This one should be obvious, but we’re gonna go full Patrick Bateman on you here because we cannot stress “blonde” enough. Even if you’re one of God’s chosen few who possess natural blonde locks, you could still probably use the assistance of dye. There’s no such thing as too yellow or too platinum.
Girl Scout Cookie or 1960s Businessman’s Nickname for His Secretary?
by KELLEY GREENE
Savannah Smiles, Little Brownie, Thin Mint, and more!
How Ron DeSantis Will Spend All His New Free Time, Now That He’s No Longer Running for President
by ANDY SCHOCKET
Collecting all the Hummel figurines that openly carry a gun. Chainsaw sculpting, carving life-size statues of Samuel Alito. And more!
If Men Talked About Their More Successful Wives the Way Women Talk About Their Incredibly Average Husbands
by BOBBIE ARMSTRONG
We matched on Hinge. He didn’t message me for two weeks, so obviously I was super intrigued. We started talking, and I found out he’s an accountant who failed high school algebra three times.
Genies Reveal, Most Unsettling Wishes Ever Granted
by KIT LIVELY
Barf bag that magically transforms vomit into fresh microwave popcorn. And more!
#TitillateATVShow
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
69 Minutes, 30 Rock Hard, Everybody does Raymond, and more #TitillateATVShow on this week's trending joke game!
Cartoons by
Joe Goldstein, Bill Thomas, Lynn Hsu.