Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 343

CONTENTS
Issue 343

I’m Your First Sunburn of the Season, And For The Next Month I Own Your Ass       
by AMY CURRUL
I’m on the top of your shoulders, the back of your ribcage, I'm everywhere. I’m Beetlejuice 2.0. How do you like me now?    

The National Park Service Welcomes You, Maybe  
by WALT MAGUIRE
If you decide to take a cute picture of your three-year-old feeding a hot dog to a bison, just turn yourself in to the authorities now. (We are the authorities.) Your toddler’s finger will not grow back.  

Conducting Yourself Properly During A Séance 
by KIT LIVELY
Bringing a Ouija board to a seance is like bringing a lice comb to an orgy; it's bad form, just don't do it.            

QUIZ: Disney World EPCOT Center Pavilion Country or Country Felon Trump Banned From Visiting       
by PAUL LANDER
It's getting to be a smaller and smaller world after all! Take the quiz!   

Jerry Seinfeld Asks, “What’s The Deal With Masculinity?”
by JULIEN PEREZ
Men used to settle arguments with a duel to the death. They would pull out their pistols and see who could kill the other one first. Nowadays, the way men deal with conflict is by talking to each other. Have you seen this? They actually talk and listen and debate with one another. It's obscene -- go get a room!      

I, Pat Sajak, Have Retired to Spend More Time with My F_________
by WILLIAM VAILLANCOURT
Howdy, Finger Sajak. I hear you love to paint, and you have nine siblings? I’m seeing a thumbs up from one of them.

#MeatyMetalBands
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
AC/Greasy, Beef Richards, Motley Stew, and more #MeatyMetalsBands on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Lindsey Budde, Lance Risseeuw, Kyle Bravo, Bob Eckstein.