Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 351

CONTENTS
Issue 351

HOlympics       
by DAN FIORELLA
100 mitre Dash, Good-minton, Water-into-Wine Polo, and more!

I’d Much Rather Be Called Racist than Weird, So It’s Time to Insult the Mixed-Race Vice President  
by WILLIAM VAILLANCOURT
I knew the whole “turn Black” thing was a winner. And demanding that someone “look into” Kamala’s ethnicity? That’s some 2015-era birtherism right there. Tried and true. And viola. We’re back in business, baby. 

Suggested Olympic Tweaks
by ORRIN KONHEIM
3n’t bother entering any costume contests. They’re all rigged anyway. Never cut in line. Your fellow nerds will pouch on you like a limited-edition comic book! Please use deodorant!            

Truly Terrible Used Car Checklist
by KIT LIVELY
Do your research to see if anyone was ever murdered in the car.  If so, the ghosts of the victims may not get along with the ghosts of the people who you plan to murder in the car.      

Dr. Victor Von Doom Rants About this Summer’s Trends
by J.K. RADOMSKI
Brat girl summer? What a pitiful display of mediocrity, inspired by an album that can only manage a third-place debut. Embracing imperfections and chaos is the creed of the weak, not the mighty. Doom does not settle for low-res Arial fonts and lime green backgrounds either.        

When Trump Told People They’d Never Have to Vote Again, He Wasn’t Threatening Democracy. He Was Working out Material for a Tight 5 at the Copa
by JUSTINE COTTER and BOBBIE ARMSTRONG
He’s just testing out his latest Benito Mussolini impression before his residency at the Palm.  

#SinfulSummerOlympics
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Synchronized Cheating, Stripper Pole Vault, Drunk Diving, and more #SinfulSummerOlympics on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Tim McGee, Alan Rozanski, Kyle Bravo, Crowden Satz.