Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 353

CONTENTS
Issue 353

Why Do Wolverine and Deadpool Keep Stealing My Clothes?       
by JAMES KRIZ
It started with my blue cardigan sweater from JCPenney. I woke up in the middle of the night and saw Wolverine and Deadpool yanking it out of my closet. They must’ve broken in. I pretended to be asleep. I mean, have you seen Wolverine’s claws? And Deadpool’s double katanas? Those spandex-clad psychos could’ve skewered me. Anyways, they ran off with my cardigan.

Upcoming SyFy Channel Movies!   
by KIT LIVELY
Jolly Fish: A young but brilliant marine biologist discovers a method of making jelly fish as docile as pets, but things go from bad to worse when the jelly fish begin humping legs. 

How I Feel About U.S. Olympic Pommel Horse Specialist Stephen Nedoroscik or Democratic VP Candidate Tim Walz?
by MEG REID, KATY MAIOLATESI, RACHEL KELLER, and MEGHAN HORGAN
The glasses-wearing community thanks him. I’m excited to watch him continue to crush the competition. I love his cat. And more!            

Less Catchy Yet More Effective Derivatives of ‘MAGA’ to Lock Up the Election
by WILLIAM VAILLANCOURT
MSDECA: Make Seats at Drinking Establishments Comfortable Again! The radical owners who run these places, they’re doing horrible—horrible!—things: aluminum stools with no cushions, no backs, no footrests. Stools without any of that or the ability to swivel. You can’t even swivel, folks. Not good. 

Why I Should Be Employee of the Month at Rental Mania Video
by JONATHAN ZELLER
There were no customers this morning. So, after dusting off the cardboard display promoting Judge Dredd, I started typing up this case on the typewriter up front, keeping one eye on the door and the register.

#PitifulPixarMovies
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Inside Gout, Throw UP, Blightyear, and more #PitifulPixarMovies on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Steve Daugherty, Vaughan Tomlinson, Phil Johnson, Maria Scrivan.