Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 380

CONTENTS
Issue 380

The Master Criminal        
by Jonathan Zeller
I saw that he had left a $100 bill out on his bureau. I refused to get greedy and swipe the whole $100. Instead, I pocketed the bill and left $82.74 in small bills and change in its place.  

We’re Sun Chips, And The USDA Said We Can Be Called Vegetables   
by Joe Schiappa
And you won’t know the difference! Well, you might by the taste, calories and saturated fat but TRUST US, you are eating a vegetable.

I’m Staying At The El Dorado 
by AJ DiCosimo
Don’t get me wrong—this bar has its charm, but it ain’t the El Dorado… Picture this: you, me, a bottle of wine… up on the rooftop, where no one’s been stabbed for weeks. 

Items Newly Arrived At The Monkey’s Pawn Shop, Gently Used Occult Items At Friendly Prices 
by Kit Lively
The Blade Of Infinite Darkness needs a replaced charge cord in order to return darkness to infinite status, but is otherwise in good condition.     

Quiz: Marvel Villain or Musk Department of DOGE Staffer Anonymous Social Media Post
by Paul Lander
Just for the record, I was racist before it was cool. Only the most broken people can be great leaders. We need a eugenic immigration policy. And more!

#FeistyFastFood
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Pander Express, Surly fries, Frisky Kreme Donuts, and more #FeistyFastFood on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Zip Freeman, Kyle Bravo, Bob Eckstein, Zack Rhodes.