Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 386

CONTENTS
Issue 386

I’m Locked in My Neighbor’s Basement and Can’t Leave Till You Subscribe to This Kid’s Substack         
by Sean C. Diaz
But let me ask you this in return: Is $4.99 really too much to spend on freedom (of speech)?  

Best Bargains At The New 10 Dollar Store   
by Kit Lively
Please note, all neckties, electrical chords, garden hose extensions and bits of rope are available only following a week long waiting period during times of widespread financial distress and market turmoil.

Internal Post-mortem Report: NatalCon 2025 
by Jennie Young
Root Cause Analysis: Women don’t like us anymore. We have not yet succeeded in spinning “angry, aggressive, Neo-Nazi virgins” as a desirable target. This is a PR problem more than anything else, and it’s one we’re confident we can solve. 

Welcome to Quantum Banking: Please Set Up Your New Accountm  
by Kate Heidel
Costello: Say I want to write a memo about MLB’s new diversity pipeline program. I write a memo to Who, that gets forwarded to What, and it’s about I Don’t Know. Who’s in the program now? Nobody. When can someone apply? Eventually. Why? He’s our lawyer.     

What DOGE Has Planned for April Fool’s Day
by Bob Eckstein
Just kidding, Not Kidding! Pack your stuff.   

#MoistMysteryMovies
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Cape Beer, The Malted Falcon, Rear Window Washer, and more #MoistMysteryMovies on this weeks trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Michael Shaw, Lance Risseeuw, Thaddeus Camp, Patrick Hickey.