Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 287

CONTENTS
Issue 287

Fantasy Mother’s Day Gifts for Moms of Small Children Presented in Increasing Order of Implausibility
by LAURA FOODY
One full week of school which is not cut short due to a holiday closure, early pick up or communicable illness. And more!

Names That I Will Likely Consider For My Prison A Cappella Group Should I Ever Find Myself Incarcerated and Yearning to Sing With My Fellow Convicts
by GARY M. ALMETER
Baroquing and Entering, The Delinquintet, Treblemakers, and more!

GOP Updated & Approved Versions Of Popular Literature
by KIT LIVELY
Cujo: The love and kindness of a gentle St. Bernard dog is just what's needed to bring together a family struggling with undisclosed personal issues.

I’ll Be Honest, I Thought Robbing Banks Would Be Easier
by MADELINE GOETZ and BOBBIE ARMSTRONG
To rob a bank, you don’t need a gun. You need heart. You also need an accomplice, a getaway driver, and nuns’ costumes like in The Town, from critically-acclaimed director Ben Affleck.

I Have To Manspread on Public Transportation Due To My Massively Wide Chode
by EMILY KLING
When you see me or any other man stretching out as if the subway is our own personal living room, know that it’s due to our penises being oriented horizontally and shaped like harmonicas.

#FishACelebrity
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Anchovy Hathaway, Skate Winslet, Eel Patrick Harris, and more #FishACelebrity on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Arun Durvasula, Holly Todd, Vaughan Tomlinson.