Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 293

CONTENTS
Issue 293


I Got Tired of Having a Personality, So Instead I’m Wearing This Bucket Hat
by EMILY MENEZ
I decided the best course of action was to cover the top half of my face with a pink, fuzzy bucket hat. I searched the nearest gutter and found the perfect one.

The Optimal Life Can Be Yours If You Have the Right Routine and Zero Obligations
by TOM ELLISON and CAITLIN KUNKEL
You want to hone your circadian rhythms by going to bed at 8 pm in the peaceful house where you live alone. Be sure to avoid common pitfalls, such as consuming caffeine after noon, or children.

Quiz: Nickname For Trump or Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream Flavor
by PAUL LANDER
Baby Finger, Dirt Cake, Angry Creamsicle, and more!

New Summer Pool Rules
by KIT LIVELY
No peeing in the pool, please! Instead wear a diaper into the pool, and dispose of appropriately later.

An Awkward Silence In The Car
by ROBERT CRISS
I just hit that guy with my car, didn’t I? Oh my god. I just hit that guy and he flew over the guardrail and landed perfectly into the bed of a garbage truck going the other way. And I’m still driving!

#VinoAVideoGame
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
XBOX Wine, World of Winecraft, Portnite, and more #VinoAVideoGame on this week’s trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Patrick Hickey, Ivan Ehlers, K. A. Polzin.