Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 312
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CONTENTS
Issue 312
I’m The Last Green Leaf On This Tree And I Will Not Give In To Fall Peer Pressure
by JUS KAPLAN
As you’ve probably noticed, I’m still green. You know why? Because I’m not like my fellow foliage. I’m the only frond left with any fortitude.
News Briefs: Happy Ending At Massage Parlor Leads To Happy Ending Of Marriage
by KIT LIVELY and DON HOLLEY
PLUS: Houseplant In Basement Man Cave Resigned To Fate Of Slow Certain Death, Four Horsemen Of Apocalypse Hover In US Skies Like Famished Buzzards, Discarded Plastic Produce Bag Enjoys Lazy Journey Drifting Through Supermarket Parking Lot.
It’s The Other Door, Stupid
by JULIEN PEREZ
Are your eyes broken? Did you not see the glaringly small sign pointing at the correct door? Surely you must be recovering from some sort of invasive eye surgery to miss a sign that obvious. I'm laughing at you, you fool.
Can We Circle Back On This Exorcism?
by CARRIE PINKARD
I hope this email finds you well. I’m looking forward to collaborating with you on excavating a demon from my mortal soul. Unfortunately, I’m at full capacity this week and will be unable to accommodate this ritual in my schedule until midway through Q4.
I’m Being Haunted By a Farting Ghost
by JASON GARRAMONE
I live my life in fear. I never know when the ghost is going to let one rip, but I can be sure of two things: it will make it seem as if I am the one farting and it will time its gas to be released at the most embarrassing of moments.
#FartyFallFoods
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Fartichokes, Turdkey, Crapple Pie, and more #FartyFallFoods on this week's trending joke game!
Cartoons by
Paul Lander & Dan McConnell, Carlos Greaves, Peter Kuper, Mat Barton & Oren Bernstein
Issue 312
I’m The Last Green Leaf On This Tree And I Will Not Give In To Fall Peer Pressure
by JUS KAPLAN
As you’ve probably noticed, I’m still green. You know why? Because I’m not like my fellow foliage. I’m the only frond left with any fortitude.
News Briefs: Happy Ending At Massage Parlor Leads To Happy Ending Of Marriage
by KIT LIVELY and DON HOLLEY
PLUS: Houseplant In Basement Man Cave Resigned To Fate Of Slow Certain Death, Four Horsemen Of Apocalypse Hover In US Skies Like Famished Buzzards, Discarded Plastic Produce Bag Enjoys Lazy Journey Drifting Through Supermarket Parking Lot.
It’s The Other Door, Stupid
by JULIEN PEREZ
Are your eyes broken? Did you not see the glaringly small sign pointing at the correct door? Surely you must be recovering from some sort of invasive eye surgery to miss a sign that obvious. I'm laughing at you, you fool.
Can We Circle Back On This Exorcism?
by CARRIE PINKARD
I hope this email finds you well. I’m looking forward to collaborating with you on excavating a demon from my mortal soul. Unfortunately, I’m at full capacity this week and will be unable to accommodate this ritual in my schedule until midway through Q4.
I’m Being Haunted By a Farting Ghost
by JASON GARRAMONE
I live my life in fear. I never know when the ghost is going to let one rip, but I can be sure of two things: it will make it seem as if I am the one farting and it will time its gas to be released at the most embarrassing of moments.
#FartyFallFoods
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Fartichokes, Turdkey, Crapple Pie, and more #FartyFallFoods on this week's trending joke game!
Cartoons by
Paul Lander & Dan McConnell, Carlos Greaves, Peter Kuper, Mat Barton & Oren Bernstein