Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 319

CONTENTS
Issue 319

I Forgot to Tip My Mailman This December, and Now He’s Vindictively Redacting My Holiday Letters
by TYLER MAXEY
When handing my holiday letters to the mailman, I realized I hadn’t tipped him. So I gifted him the only thing I had on me (the black Sharpie I’d been addressing the letters with). Since then, he’s been getting a lot of use of it…

Last Minute Stocking Stuffer Ideas
by KIT LIVELY
Can of protective / defensive Holiday Pepper(mint) Spray, Cursed glass eye, and more!

Holiday Songs Updated for the 21st Century
by CAROLINE HORWITZ“
Grandma Got Run Over by a Driverless Car” And more!

Ways Giuliani Can Try to Earn the $148 Million…
by JOHN ZAKOUR
Audition for next season’s “Golden Bachelor” and more!

Avoiding No-Well
by DAN FIORELLA
Mistletoes: similar to athlete's foot, an infection caused by wearing stockings not hung with care. It can be easily treated with a medicated tannen-balm.

#WreckAMallStore
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Mold Navy, Lard &Taylor, Fears, and more #WreckAMallStore on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Matt Percival, Tyson Cole, Vaughan Tomlinson.