Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 327
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CONTENTS
Issue 327
If Jesus Is Going to Take the Wheel, Here’s Some Other Things I’d Like Him to Take
by BOBBIE ARMSTRONG
Jesus, Take My Taxes: If Jesus is going to take the wheel, I’d also like him to take my taxes. He doesn’t even need to file them on TurboTax or tell the IRS any of my business, he just needs to take them away so I don’t have to think about them. Maybe he can turn them into water and then turn the water into wine, and then I can drink my tax returns with an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.
You Want Me To Talk? What’s Next, I Gotta Sing And Dance?
by ROBERT CRISS
You want me to “talk?” What’s next, I have to sing and dance? Choreograph an original musical number based on the events of my life up to this point? And then what? Novelize? Monetize?
How To Get Your Rock Band To Hit It Big, Without Getting Better
by WILLIAM VAILLANCOURT
Crowd Surf: This may not strike you as the best idea when you’re playing at the community teen center in front of a sparse audience of 8th graders with the upper body physiques of Beavis and Butt-Head. Don’t worry. Go ahead and jump, and immediately join the ranks of Bruce Springsteen and Iggy Pop.
OnlyFans Profiles That You May Have Missed…
by KIT LIVELY
ConnectThor: Broadcasting from the same bedroom he's had since the fifth grade, middle aged cosplay enthusiast Jacob dresses like Thor and challenges viewers to a game of Connect Four.
Countdown to Valentine’s
by DAN FIORELLA
These movies, they’re just not how people behave. How do you have women throwing away a committed relationship because of some “Meet-cute” scene in a small town?
#RottenRomComs
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
While You Were Seeping, Moonstunk, Broadcast Ooze, and more #RottenRomComs on this week's trending joke game!
Cartoons by
Sara Harvey-Patrick, Phil Witte, Sarah Morrissette.
Issue 327
If Jesus Is Going to Take the Wheel, Here’s Some Other Things I’d Like Him to Take
by BOBBIE ARMSTRONG
Jesus, Take My Taxes: If Jesus is going to take the wheel, I’d also like him to take my taxes. He doesn’t even need to file them on TurboTax or tell the IRS any of my business, he just needs to take them away so I don’t have to think about them. Maybe he can turn them into water and then turn the water into wine, and then I can drink my tax returns with an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.
You Want Me To Talk? What’s Next, I Gotta Sing And Dance?
by ROBERT CRISS
You want me to “talk?” What’s next, I have to sing and dance? Choreograph an original musical number based on the events of my life up to this point? And then what? Novelize? Monetize?
How To Get Your Rock Band To Hit It Big, Without Getting Better
by WILLIAM VAILLANCOURT
Crowd Surf: This may not strike you as the best idea when you’re playing at the community teen center in front of a sparse audience of 8th graders with the upper body physiques of Beavis and Butt-Head. Don’t worry. Go ahead and jump, and immediately join the ranks of Bruce Springsteen and Iggy Pop.
OnlyFans Profiles That You May Have Missed…
by KIT LIVELY
ConnectThor: Broadcasting from the same bedroom he's had since the fifth grade, middle aged cosplay enthusiast Jacob dresses like Thor and challenges viewers to a game of Connect Four.
Countdown to Valentine’s
by DAN FIORELLA
These movies, they’re just not how people behave. How do you have women throwing away a committed relationship because of some “Meet-cute” scene in a small town?
#RottenRomComs
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
While You Were Seeping, Moonstunk, Broadcast Ooze, and more #RottenRomComs on this week's trending joke game!
Cartoons by
Sara Harvey-Patrick, Phil Witte, Sarah Morrissette.