Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 336

CONTENTS
Issue 336

Why Are The Trump Jurors Being Excused?       
by KIT LIVELY
Preferred Schwarzenegger on The Apprentice. Appears to be an actual Christian, rather than a Trump Christian. Elderly man with full head of hair and a naturally healthy complexion. And more! 

Product Name Pitches For The New Team USA Women’s Olympic Uniform 
by MEG REID and EMILY KNAPP
Lady Liberty Labia Lance, Beaver Balance Beam, USA FUPA Finder, and more!  

Sir David Attenborough Narrates a Collaborative Google Doc 
by BRUNO PIERONI
As dusk settles on a long day, a unique gathering commences. Nowhere in the world is more alive with energy than this place we visit today: the collaborative Google doc. And here, in this remote corner of the mighty internet, life thrives as an ecosystem of fauna commingles on the evening before a big client presentation.            

15 Fascinating German Words With Imagined English Translations   
by JORDAN DE PADOVA and DAN GUTENBERG
Draoug (noun) - One handful of beer. Könbleiben (noun) - The realization that you no longer fit into your lederhosen due to one too many draougen. And more!  

Donald Trump’s Totally Untrue and Fabricated Random Acts of Kindness
by GREGORY VIRGIN
I was at the zoo. There was a baby rhino that wouldn’t drink its milk. None of the zookeepers were having any luck. Suddenly, a man emerged from the crowd that had formed. “Mind if I give it a shot?” It was Donald. He asked if I would hold his jacket as he climbed over the fence. He took that baby rhino, cradled it in his arms, and put the bottle in its mouth. As the rhino suckled, Donald caressed its head, and I could faintly hear him whisper, “It’s going to be okay, sweet one.”      

#FuturisticFastFood
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
KFC3-PO, VRby's, Cyberger King, and more #FuturisticFastFood on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Sarah Morrissette, Drew Panckeri, Mat Barton & Adam Cooper, Dan Misdea.