Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 341

CONTENTS
Issue 341

Did Bigfoot Storm the Capitol on January 6?       
by KENNY REILLY
By far the most famous Cryptid, Bigfoot was not present. The elusive creature was at his home in northeast Oregon watching coverage on CNN powered by his solar panels and water turbine.   

Yes, I Am the Personal Chef Included With Your Luxury Airbnb, but for the Umpteenth Time, Go Microwave Your Own Damn Hot Pockets 
by ANDY SCHOCKET
This refusal to microwave your damn Hot Pockets has nothing to do with the fact that I understand that part of my gig means providing execrable comfort food to horde after cretinous horde of gold-plated, silver-spooned, lead-palated philistines like you.  

The Campus Is a Shit Show, but We Planned a Terrific Alumni Weekend! 
by JOE SCHIAPPA
11 a.m. Welcome Address from Our New Chancellor (Campus Center) - …And that New Chancellor could be YOU! We will have a Hunger Games-like drawing to decide who will run the college.            

Your Partner’s Complaints About Popular Sex Toys      
by KIT LIVELY
Anal Bee's: I have since discovered that this should have been "anal beads" rather than "anal bees". The former sounds pretty nice, actually.   

UPDATE: I Am Still Really Pissed Off At Marie Kondo
by BOB ECKSTEIN
I know you advocate downsizing as the path to joy. Then you will be happy to know, I am currently living above my friend Mark’s garage, sleeping on an inflatable mattress. Please note there is no clutter on the nightstand. There is no nightstand.      

#CandyACanine
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Butterscottie, German Chocolate Shepherd, Yorkie Peppermint Patty, and more #CandyACanine on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Tyson Cole, Drew Panckeri, Rose Anne Prevec, Jeremy Banx.