Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 342
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CONTENTS
Issue 342
In the Future, Everyone Will Sound Like Chris Pratt
by ADAM CAMPBELL-SCHMITT
In the future, your phone, your car, and your talking sex machine, will all speak to you in the tender-yet-bro-ish tones of Chris Pratt.
Didn’t Make It Into The 27 Club? There’s Still Time To Be an Icon
by ELLEN HARROLD
The curtain closed during Act 33 for comedy geniuses John Belushi and Chris Farley, so if you’re 33 with an elite sense of humor I would consider it a full-on hex the next time someone comments “Dead.” on your funny Tik Tok.
Ways to Stop Your Therapist from Blackmailing You – Excerpt from ‘LIFE WANTS YOU DEAD’
by EVAN WAITEA
Go to a deaf shrink, and grow bangs over your mouth. Hair is a shield that comes out of your head for free! If you can’t find a hearing-impaired therapist in your network, pick one with good ears and fire Civil War cannons next to their head for six years. For added security, headbang dandruff into their eyes.
Double Jeopardy Latte and 14 other Flavors from Rudy Giuliani’s New Designer Coffee Company
by PAUL LANDER and DAN MCCONNELL
KKKona, Grounds Zero, Mister Cofeve, and more!
More Bluey for You-y
by DAN FIORELLA
Doggie Style: Bluey and Bingo get into trouble when they advertise a fashion shop they’re setting up in their backyard.
#CrappyCopShows
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Plop Rock, The Rockford Piles, NYPD Poo, and more #CrappyCopShows on this week’s trending joke game!
Cartoons by
Ali Solomon, Van Scott & Jerry King, Kit Lively, Bob Eckstein.