Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 359

CONTENTS
Issue 359

READ THE EMPEROR PALPATINE INDICTMENT       
by Sam Pasternack
This indictment is about something far more important: financial impropriety.  

What I Think J.D. Vance’s Initials Stand For, Based on His Candidacy So Far   
by Meg Reid
Joyless Dud, Jinxed Decision, Jingoistic Dumbass, and more! 

Diary of a Jealous Landlord
by Tmo Bradach
Sue from 3R submitted a noise complaint. Apparently Mark had a little party and they were up blasting music and laughing until 3am. Guess who wasn’t invited?

P. Diddy’s Tips for Throwing a Successful Freak Off
by Chris Manson and Kit Lively
There should be plenty of snacks available. Unsliced cucumbers have proven very popular at my events. 

I Can’t Afford to Pay Employees a Living Wage and Still Take Home $9,000,000 a Year Making Egg Salad Sandwiches
by Walt Maguire
Teaching the servers to scoop just the right amount, dropping it in just the right spot on the lettuce, which, in turn, is centered in just the right spot on the toast – all this is difficult, which is why people come to Nothing But Egg Salad, the nation’s number one spot for egg salad sandwiches. 

#AbsurdAppetizers
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Spamchovies, Stuffed artijokes, Jalapeño Poopers, and more #AbsurdAppetizers on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Vaughan Tomlinson, Ali Solomon, Kit Lively, J.C. Duffy.