Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 373

CONTENTS
Issue 373

The New Astrology: You Are A Combination of Two of These Five Pillars        
by Ellen Harrold
Spongebob Squarepants = Risky / Whimsy  - Lives in a pineapple under the effing sea, positive and lighthearted, isn’t scared of getting stung by jellyfish, probably doesn’t have health insurance or a 401K (Mr. Krabs would never provide employee benefits)  

I’m a Popcorn Bowl NOT a Throw-Up Bowl   
by Nick Brigis
Hey, Greg. No, you’re not hallucinating; it’s me, your popcorn bowl. I know we don’t normally do this, but I don’t know how much time we have, so I’d appreciate it if you listen to what I have to say. Greg, I am a popcorn bowl. That means I hold popcorn, not throw up.  

New Year’s Resolutions From Parallel Earth Alpha Nova 7
by Kit Lively
Eat more scorpions. Gotta get that protein! And more! 

10 New Year’s Resolutions Written For You by Your Jewish Mother
by Blair Dawson
Read a book once in a while. I swear – if Instagram didn’t have captions your generation would be illiterate.  

Obituaries for Your New Years Resolutions
by Danny Dalah
Travel More, an internet search old, quickly departed this life when you checked Expedia and realized how expensive plane flights and hotels are. His memory lives on in your envy toward Facebook friends’ Parisian winter break photos. 

#NewYearIn6words
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
New York Jets will still suck, New year new me blah blah, Canada Builds Wall, Pays For It, and more #NewYearIn6words in this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Peter Kuper, Zip Freeman, Vaughan Tomlinson, Ellis Rosen.