Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 383

CONTENTS
Issue 383

Texts From My Neighbor: Could You Take Care of My Plants? Oh, and One Other Thing…         
by Laura Berlinsky-Schine
Just fill up the measuring cup next to the sink with water and share it among the plants. Then, do 400 jumping jacks near my window so the water settles and distributes evenly. 

Adjusted for Inflation   
by Brian Boone
1969: Six kids in the Brady Bunch Now: 52 kids in the Brady Bunch

Customer Reviews of the New Tesla Dealership at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue 
by Joe Cay
“The salesman mumbled something about the car outlasting social security, which is a weird thing to say. Don’t recommend.” 

Your Work Camp Or Mine?  A Guide To Dating In Trump’s Dystopian Future  
by Kit Lively
Holding hands while enjoying one another’s company during a romantic walk is an excellent way to build onto that initial spark of attraction.  Of course, don’t wander beyond the perimeter of the electric  security gate or camp personnel will have no other choice than to shoot both of you on sight.     

Leaked: Donald Trump’s Initial List of Cabinet Picks!  
by Josh Lorenzo
Department of Homeland Security: The Cigarette Smoking Man (X-Files) As head of a shadowy syndicate, the cigarette smoking man certainly knows his way around a bureaucracy bogged down in red tape. Carrying the ignominious nickname ‘Cancer Man,’ he participated in a decade-long cover up that involved preparing Earth for an alien invasion.   

#GiveBoozeTheBlues
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Gin and Toxic, Gloomshine, Depresso Martini, and more #GiveBoozeTheBlues on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Katherine Bettis, Vaughan Tomlinson, Bill Thomas, Nick Downes.