Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 384
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CONTENTS
Issue 384
The Rites of Spring (Cleaning)
by J.K. Radomski
Spring cleaning is an ancient tradition, dating back to when cave dwellers first realized that last season’s mammoth bones were starting to attract wolves. Today, the ritual persists, but with more existential dread and fewer saber-toothed tigers.
What Your Favorite Spice Blend Says About Your Personal Brand
by Caiti Quatmann
Taco Seasoning: You’re everyone’s go-to for a quick pick-me-up text message that usually reads something like, “Margs tonight??? Ayyyy!!!” (Yes, you use at least three exclamation points.)
Movie Roles Tom Hanks Lost By Being Too Tom Hanks
by Tmo Bradach
Movie: Barbie, Role: Beach Ken What happened? Hanks could not beach.
DOGE FAQ For Federal Employees Returning to the Office
by Josh Lorenzo
Question: Will employees be allowed to use scented candles in their offices? Answer: Yes, but the approved scents are patriotism, tobacco, and Coors Light.
Biggest Surprises Revealed In JFK Assassination Files…
by Kit Lively
Jacqueline Onassis wasn’t genuinely too upset about being splashed with the blood and brain matter of her husband, but was “significantly perturbed” by ample amounts of same finding their way into her blueberry yogurt.
#VeterinarianVideoGames
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Teenage Mutant Ninja Box Turtles, Resident Eagle, Snake invaders, and more #VeterinarianVideoGames on this week's trending joke game!
Cartoons by
Rose Anne Prevec, Bill DeMain, Arun Durvasula, Drew Panckeri.