Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 371

CONTENTS
Issue 371

Roasting On An Open Fire: Andrew “Ice” Sleigh Roasts Santa        
by Kit Lively
Hey, glad to see everyone!  How’s everybody doing tonight?  I see Frosty was able to get out of rehab in order to be here.  Could somebody check, I guarantee you that he’s at least fifty percent frozen alcohol right now.  A walking, talking pina colada - Please Frosty, just let the hat fall off and leave it at that. Jesus.  

A Christmas Carol… If It Had Gone Horribly Wrong Within The First Few Minutes   
by Joe Blevins
Christmas Eve 1843 was a fairly good day for Scrooge, at least by his twisted standards.  

Why Virgin Mary Is Opting For a Natural Barn Birth
by Emily Kapp and Daniel Stillman
I make my clothes and wash them in the river not because I only own and can only afford one garment but because it’s the sustainable option. At the end of the day, I’m doing what’s right for me and my little savior of the world. 

Escaping Flavortown with Guy Fieri
by Suqi Karen Sims
You wake up in a pile of giant calamari, and the hot oil stings your skin. The gargantuan halos are looped around your arms and legs, pulling you down.  

As Emerald City Officials, We Assure You the Winged Monkeys are Nothing to Worry About
by Rochelle Elana Fisher
Yes, Winged Monkeys are smart and are capable of flying a long distance from Winkie Country while under the spell of an evil green being. But that’s probably not those winged creatures. We beg you– don’t overreact. 

#CriminalChristmasMovies
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Murder on 34th street, Car Jack Frost, Drone Alone, and more #CriminalChristmasMovies on this week's trending joke game

Cartoons by
Bob Eckstein, Thomas Wykes, Zack Rhodes & Vaughan Tomlinson, Zack Rhodes, Michael Shaw.