Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 362

CONTENTS
Issue 362

When You Forget That Person’s Name        
by Ellen Harrold
Take them to a mirror to show them the new self-love affirmations you learned on the Calm app. You go: “I am [Your name] and I am enough.” Now their turn! What a sucker! (For revealing their name, not for doing the affirmations. That shit works.)  

Coming Soon to a Theater Near You, It’s The Purge: Voter Rolls   
by Caroline Horwitz
Billed as the most frightening Purge cinematic experience yet because of how closely it follows real life, The Purge: Voter Rolls is sure to terrify viewers even more than its predecessors. 

Other Things We Should be Controlling Instead of the Weather
by Dan Fiorella
Ghosts: I think we’re all tired hearing about ghosts and spooks and poltergeists running around haunting people and places.  There’s something the Deep State needs to take care of.

Counting Down the Days Until the Election with My Donald Trump Advent Calendar
by Alex Leeds
Concepts of plans. An 8x10 of Kim Jong-un signed by his secretary. $5 gift card to the Trump Store in Gatlinburg, TN. And more! 

SUPPORTER UPDATES
by Rob Kutner
JUST ABOUT TO GO ONTO THE STAGE and face my opponent at tonight’s debate. And folks, I have never been more scared. Not of my opponent. Nor of the awe-inspiring responsibility of representing this proud district. But of spiders. Specifically, brown recluses. Yes, I know, very little venom, but they just freak me out okay? #VoteErnestRyan 

#HornyHorrorMovies
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hide the Sausage, I Know Who You Did Last Summer, Doing IT , and more #HornyHorrorMovies on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Peter Kuper, Chris Gural & Zack Rhodes, Jason Bentsman, Mike Shiell.