Weekly Humorist Magazine: Issue 363

CONTENTS
Issue 363

I’m Just Waiting to Get Something Unlocked at CVS        
by Sam Spero
I apologize to all the shoppers who were enjoying Chris Martin’s masterpiece ‘Viva La Vida’ until a robotic voice ruined the flow with, “Customer service needed in the skin care department.” But I need this body wash—and, honestly, fungal cream, as well.   

Give the Neighborhood Kids a Good Scare With This Genuine Rotting Corpse   
by Angus Duffin
Returns: Unfortunately, due to the perishable nature of the body, returns cannot be accepted. Washing instructions: Do not wash — washing will degrade the quality of your carcass and ruin your washing machine. 

Lesser Known Tidbits About Art The Clown
by Kit Lively
Art shows up to murder aimlessly for only several days typically, spending the remainder of his time selling handmade cheese graters on Etsy.

Music Moments from the Year 2044
by William Vaillancourt
June 15: Flannel-Clad Alien Spills Pabst on Voyager Space Probe’s Golden Record: Just a week before moving out of range of human contact, Voyager 1 is found by aliens not so different from ourselves, as one in flannel spills a can of Pabst on the Golden Record.  

Uniquely Tasteless Halloween Costumes That’ll Get Your Ass Canceled in 2024
by Torrey Kurtzner
Elon Musk Distributing Free Keys to Recalled Tesla Cybertrucks: I’ve never understood why motorists loathe the Cybertruck. Between its angular shape, brutalist design, and various recalls (faulty accelerator pedal, faulty windshield wiper motors, and faulty trunk bed trim), it’s arguably the ideal vehicle for any given scenario. But if it’s so perfect, why does society continually reject it? 

#ScarySnacks
by WEEKLY HUMORIST HASHTAG GAMES
Drownies, Lice Krispies, Dead Vines, and more #ScarySnacks on this week's trending joke game!

Cartoons by
Peter Kuper, Kyle Bravo, Anne Prevac, Drew Panckeri.